Silver Linings (Playbook?)

Some of the phases I’ve gone through during this global health crisis personally could be categorized as Resisting, Surrendering, Adapting, Gratitude. These challenges have also been tempered by surprising moments of joy, celebration, connection.

Resisting-I tried to logically reason things out in my head the first few days. Then things kept closing in on us one by one, our world continues to slowly get smaller, for longer.

Surrendering- I slowly started releasing my grasp on needing to know the outcome of all this and take it day by day. I cried in the bath and other places a couple times lately but feel stronger as some normalcy and rhythms have emerged. Finding creative ways to move my body and uplift my spirit. Laying in bed with my girl and taking walks in the afternoon and taking my time doing chores and creating and resting and daydreaming and keeping expectations low.

Now, we’re in the Adapting phase. Home school has been real chill and the schedule goes something like this: Laying in bed and reading or making art work as we ease into the morning. Barbies and building Legos and then an obscene amount of screen time while I work. Afternoon/early evening we get out as that’s when the stir-crazy seems to hit. Chores are intermittently thrown in as needed. Social time comes in the form of Kids Messenger with friends and family.

Slowly, I feel like the Gratitude phase is spreading. For the unexpected blessings of this global health crisis. My senses are heightened in the quiet morning as I give thanks for the birds chirping outside. Nature reminds us that it will outlast us all what with persistent and predictable sunrises and sunsets. Flowers and trees are budding all around us as we can truly savor the first signs of spring because for the first time in a long time, we’re not in a hurry to get home and prepare for the next thing.

Some sources of pleasure have been newly (re)discovered virtual connection with my oldest friends. That laughter was pure gold. Also, music. I put my earbuds in and create a tiny escape for myself. Current obsessions are- Girl by Maren Morris and California by Lana Del Rey, Underdog by Alicia Keys. I also discovered a video called So Much Wine by Jeff Tweedy- my favorite artist. We cherish these little treasures like my daughter cherishes finding a brand new shell at the beach.

And humor. I need to laugh out loud every day. So we share memes and we create connection and the stress is relieved temporarily. My favorite so far is a picture of a Mandala that says “Color to Relieve your Stress” with just scribble all over the page. Gives me an opportunity to send to someone specific who shares my humor.

Slowing dowwwwwnn has been such a gift. Man, I fought this one. I didn’t realize at what a frantic pace we’d been going, individually and collectively until very recently. I was starting to resent my full days but was caught on the wheel of doing, going. Even though I love my work and being active is good for me, I’ve been embracing the new way. Lessons that won’t be lost easily, I hope.

Appreciating Real Connection. IRL or virtual, as long as it’s connection. Genuine. Empathic. An impromptu parade of teachers and school staff provided an opportunity to blow kisses, make hugging gestures, enthusiastic waves as my eyes filled with tears of gratitude for this community. Giving grace when things don’t go our way. Stress brings out the worst in us if we don’t check ourselves. Compassion for self and others every step of the way.

Breathing it all in. Clearly, no one in our lifetime will ever forget this time in history. In and out. Breathe.